There are times when I wonder what people actually think about me. Not because I care, but just out of curiousity. I am who I am, and no matter what people think about me, I'm not going to change. Everybody is entitled to their opinion about me, I may not be doing the right things or the things that people think is right, all the time, but I am doing my best, to be the best I can be. Confusing, right?
Sorry guys, the philosopher Maple, somehow manage to escape and found its way to this blog tonight :P
I think my colleagues/acquaintance/hi-bye friend, would think that I'm a person that smile a lot? and can get along with anybody, I guess. My actual friends/close friends would probably think that I complain a lot, I like lame jokes, and I complain a lot. Okay I know I'm repeating the "I complain a lot", yes, I do complain A LOT and in fact, I'm aware of that. Most of the time, I just need somebody to listen, cause my friends know my story, and I've been repeating myself like a broken record.
I felt sorry for my friends that's been listening to my story for the past 10 months. I went from crying while talking/complaining, to laughing sarcastically to try and hide the fact that I am still pathetically sad about the same thing after all these while.
I remember when I opened my old blog for public the other day, and one of my close friend went and read it. His first comment?
"Wow, you complain A LOT back then!"
Haha! Yes, I do. I was pretty bitter back then. The beginning of the old blog was a happy affair, but somehow nearing the end of it, it was bitter and pathetic. I'm not going to lie that back then, every post was written specifically for someone to read. It became a habit that I still continue blogging up till today, although the person I'm writing the posts for, no longer reads the posts.
I guess it's life, right? It's all about taking risks. I risked the friendship that I had with my ex, and started a relationship with her. She loved me so much and was so afraid of losing me back then, that I thought "This person is never going to leave me".
I was wrong.
She left. She's fine now, but I'm not. I'm still here with a badly patched up heart that was actually broken beyond repair.
I know it sounds like I'm gonna go on, and on with that story, but that wasn't my point. I learnt a lot about life. I guess that whole point of her leaving, is to teach me a lesson in life. She came into my life and taught me how to love someone. She left and it taught me how to be independent, and how to be strong. I may not be good in that "area" yet, but I can safely say that I'm getting better at it.
No one wants to see you sob and feel sorry for yourself. Yes, people will feel bad for you for a while, and then what? It gets repetitive, and people will just ignore it. Yes, everybody goes through break-up, then what? It still fuckin' hurts.
I honestly don't know what's in store for me, or even "us" ... yes, "us" refers to me and my ex. Maybe I'm going to move on, one day, maybe we're going to get back together one day, or maybe I will never be able to move on from her for the rest of my life.
When she left, I remembered that she told me "Life goes on ... ". If that word comes from a friend, it wouldn't hurt so much, but it came from someone that hurts you. It is 10 times harder to accept that "Life goes on".
Maybe I should thank her for all the lessons that she "taught" me. I don't think I will ever get to be her friend again, cause I don't think I'll ever stop loving her. Yes, she's cruel, she has the worst temper among the people that I know, she has weird habits, she does things her way, as she likes, no matter what people say, she likes to spend money on things that she deemed are "necessities", but she is also cute in her own ways, she has a very kind heart, she loves dogs, she's very friendly to strangers and deep inside of her is just a rebellious little kid.
She needs someone that will support her no matter what, even if she's at wrong, and help her fix the situation. Scolding her is never an option, it will only make her even more stubborn than she already is.
She's not perfect, but I still love her, and I don't even know why. I guess that is why people say love is blind?
Whatever it is, "life goes on" and I need my beauty sleep. She will forever held a special place in my heart, and no one can ever take that place away from her.
Love you Buebue, nites!
P/S: Guys, if any of you wants to add me on communicator/IM/MSN or whatever you call that, just add me on firstname_lastname@nameofthecompanyIworkfor.com . I don't use MSN anymore, well, I mean the account is still active but I don't sign into my MSN unless requested by friends. You can actually add me using normal MSN/whatever messenger you're using.
P/P/S: Thanks for reading till the end, I know it's not easy to be seeing words and words and words. Love you guys :)
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