Food For Thought

In a way, my 2011 ended bad and my 2012 started bad, Haha! It's alright, don't need to feel bad for me. I'm going to be 24 years old this year, and I reckon can handle all the bad stuff that's thrown my way. Even if I can't handle it, I'll learn to handle it.

People would usually tell themselves "Once I'm rich/skinny/beautiful ... I will be happy". I'm going to learn to not treat myself that way, I'm going to learn to be happy now, no matter what situation I'm in. Nowadays, it is easy to make me happy ... just a gym session will do :) I'm not even kidding. After sweating it all out, I'd always feel better about myself.

I don't know how 2012 will turn out, but I'm hoping for the best, although some smartass fortune teller predicted that it would be a bad year for those born in the year of Dragon.

Let me tell you, I studied IT for about 4 or 5 years (Diploma & Degree) and I never thought that I wouldn't like this field. I studied IT cause I'm bad at accounting and I don't wanna study business cause everybody else is studying business. I guess my dad is my main influence cause my dad did well in IT field, but it hadn't cross my mind that, I might be my dad's daughter, but it doesn't mean that I'm as smart as him. So yea, haha! Quite pathetic.

I don't think many people notice, but I'm a lefty (or left-handed), and I've heard many people saying that lefty are generally more artistic. Okay, I'm not good in drawing, but I can draw. I like to sing, I like photography, I like to do hand-crafted D.I.Y. stuff (which I tend to pick up really fast, like knitting) and I love languages. I speak Bahasa Malaysia like a Malay (my friend was like "If I were to just listen to you and not look at you, I'd thought you're a Malay girl, haha!"), I can speak English, and I'm proud that I can speak Mandarin and read Chinese characters (although I'm a Chinese, but I'm English educated).

So you see, I'm good in everything else, BUT computing stuff. Even my ex, who's an Accounting major, is better than me when it comes to troubleshooting and fixing computer.

Regardless of my inability to speak with computer (talking bout' programming) and my lack of talent when it comes to this field, I've always visualised myself working for this MNC. I was never afraid of not having a job when I graduate, cause back in my mind, I told myself, I'm definitely working for Intel, or Dell or Agilent or something.

Yes, I'm actually working for one of the companies that I've mentioned, but it's not one of those super nice position like a Manager or something. I really don't mind starting from the bottom. It is just that I have no passion for this job. I just wake up every morning, go to work, and wait for payday. Pretty lifeless and pathetic I'd say.

And just recently, due to the under-head-count in my department, everybody have to work 6 days a week. Of course there's OT pay for it, but I think no OT pay can cure the tiredness of working 6 days a week. If you look at it, you only get like a total of 4 days of rest for one whole month. Is this even human? I'm currently working 5 days a week and I'm already feeling super tired, so imagine 6 days a week.

I'm not trying to complain here, it's just that I'm starting to question myself, "Is this all worth it?", "Is this going to take me to a place where I really want to be?".

I'd love to travel the world, and be armed with my DSLR, I wanna meet lots of people and be more sociable. I wanna gain knowledge not just from the books I read, but to see things with my own eyes, experience it and capture the moment.

I know it's a big dream. So what I'm going to do now is to try and force myself to work for this company for at least one year. Then, it's either I quit the job and go for a long vacation in Melbourne (it's a tradition for me to go there annually) OR I quit my job and study Masters in Melbourne. I haven't actually told my dad about my plan to study Masters yet. I'm gonna find one day, sit down with my dad and talk to him about it.

Honestly I was planning to take up another Degree .. something I love. Maybe like Degree in Photography, Interior Design or maybe Fashion ;) But I guess I really shouldn't do that, I've already wasted a lot of my dad's money in Degree, with me going to Perth and studied for a semester, then coming back to KDU and finish up my Degree. I felt bad enough.

So yea, I'm still contemplating, but I'm definitely leaving this company soon, like in a year's time. I just felt like I need to go back to where I belong. I know I'm born in Malaysia, but I never felt like I belong here. My heart is always someplace else. Honestly I don't even know where it is -.- but I'm definitely gonna search for it once I quit my job a year later. Actually it's less than a year, I've been working in this company for like 3 months now? Haha!

So we'll see ;)

I know it's been a long ass post. Thanks for reading guys :) I hope everyone will have a great year ahead.