Let me just start typing about my year 2011, since I'm quite free now.
I'm going to start with the things that ruined my year 2011, and it started from 2010. That's the end of 2010, around October when I flew to Melbourne just to save the relationship that I had with my now, ex. I was there for about 2 months. I have to say I was being stupid though, I was there for 2 whole months and all I did was cleaning the house (which I enjoy very much, when it comes to doing it for people that I love) and just sitting there and watching TVB drama series while I wait for my ex to come home from work and accompany me.
I should have gone out and explore Melbourne, like seriously. I have ALL the time in the world. Back then, I was too afraid to take the tram, I was afraid of getting lost, I was basically afraid of anything and everything, although I'm quite sure that Melbourne is pretty much a safe city. So I'm not gonna blame my ex for my own stupidity.
Anyways, I got back home after 2 months of being there. I thought everything was okay. Like they say, never "assume". I pester my ex into accompanying me into the airport and sending me off at the departure gate. At first she was reluctant, but I manage to make her go park her car at the crazy expensive Melbourne Airport carpark and send me off. I even bought two of my favourite Australian fashion magazines at the airport, which is the "Girlfriend" and "CLEO", which she paid for. I remember I kissed her like a thousand times cause I know I will miss her a lot, but she seemed to be ... uninterested.
So anyways, I started a new semester at the college, everything seemed to be alright. Until March that is. That is when we had all those crazy arguments. I mean back in January and February, we did have a couple of argument regarding things like, her not Skyping or MSN-ing or texting with me anymore. She always have the same reason. "I'm too tired from work", "I just want to watch anime/TVB series without having to text you", and all those very BS reasons (It is proven to be a BS reason coz I saw her happily texting away while her TVB drama series is on, with my own two eyes).
In March, the arguments was so bad that it affected my mood. Then it comes to a point where she wants to break up with me, but would not want to be the "bad person". I ask her "Do you still love me?" ... All she could come up with was "I don't know".
After thinking for a really long time, and trying to convince myself to not go to that level. I finally broke down. I told myself, if I love her, I should really let her go. Since she wanted so much to be free but don't wanna be the "bad person", so I'll be the bad person and just break up with her. Her reply? "Are you sure?" (Funny right? Instead of a "No" or "I don't want a break up", the reply was "Are you sure?")
I cried after typing that message and sending it off. For a moment there I regretted my decision, so I called her on her mobile again and again, but she didn't pick it up. I had to send like 5 messages and beg her to talk to me. She did answer my call in the end, but she kept quiet and listen to me crying over the phone (I swear she's a PRO in listening/watching me cry without doing anything).
So yea, my 2011 was practically ruined from then onwards. For a couple of weeks after that, I cried myself to sleep every single night. My eyes was so swollen and painful that I really couldn't take it anymore, but still, I can't control the tears.
About a few weeks after that break up, my ex contacted me again and asked me not to "be with someone else" cause she's still thinking about the possibility of "us" being back together. I was happy for a moment, cause I thought, we still have chance. Then *poof* no news of that, and then comes the worst part. Hearing news about her and her new partner, or boyfriend, to be exact.
It was hard, but I tried my best to move on. I became close with this classmate of mine, and we hung out. I was NOT in a relationship with him, it was more like a fling. I was hanging out with this friend of mine, but I'm still pretty much in love with my ex. Then things took a drastic turn, I thought I was in love with this friend of mine -.- I was pretty delusional.
Truth to be told, I was confused, cause I'm still love my ex, but I'm falling for another person here. I did blog about that guy, and it turns out my ex was jealous that I'm somewhat falling for this guy and wanted to get back with me. The thing is, she was in a relationship with another person.
Then a month before my birthday this year, she said that she's flying back to Malaysia to celebrate my birthday with me (3 years of relationship, she's NEVER celebrate my birthday with me). She was attempting to fix our relationship (apparently she broke things off with that guy already). I told myself, if she's serious about this, she's gonna have to go through the 20 days torture that I'm giving her, and when she's back here, I'm gonna forgive her and maybe get back together with her. She failed.
The moment she got back here, her attitude towards me changed 360 degrees. I'm not even kidding. I told her I want to go to Delicious @ Straits' Quay to have lunch/dinner, she was like okay, but she wouldn't fetch me, and would not let me fetch her. She just asked to meet there. I don't know what went wrong. No one told me anything.
Before she flew back here, she was really sweet towards me, being really nice, and even talked about registering de facto thinggy with me. But the moment she reached Malaysia *BAM!* Me + You = Stranger.
This is like the second time she's giving me false hope. I was probably her safety net or something.
"If something fails, then just go back to Maple. She will always love me and all. She's pretty much crazily in love with me. She's gonna be there for me forever. Let me just go out and have fun and be in a relationship with everybody else. Whenever I feel like going back to her .. no worries ...She'll be there."
Sounds like her alright.
Then before I flew to Melbourne this year for a holiday with my friends. She text me saying something like "I don't think I can find anyone else that loves me like you do". You're damn right about that!
When I was in Melbourne, we talked like we're some enemy, and I'm sure I don't need to repeat myself that she raised her voice every single time when she's talking to me. I think you guys remember the post about me getting pretty upset about the "dinner" that she was taking me to, where her best friend proceed to make it into "Here's my new boyfriend" party. I cried that night on the way home, in her car, and all she did was sending me home after the dinner, telling me she's going out to buy something (for fuck's sake, it's like 8.30pm at night and it's Australia, not Malaysia, who's gonna open the store for you?) I bet she went out and find her new partner or something. And Oh! She did raise her voice in the car as well, saying things like "What do you want?! Can you please tell me what happened? If I did something wrong just tell me", I told her its none of her business, we've broken up already, so it doesn't matter if I'm crying. To which she reply with "You also realised that we've broken up?" ... I said "Yes, so it's none of your business why I cried".
I'm not a toy. If you're serious about being with me, then prove it. I was with you for 3 fucking years. I was loyal to you. I was there for you through ups and downs. I stick by your side even though you weren't always right in everything that you do. I never fell for anybody else. I never expect you to be perfect, but in my heart, you'd always be perfect.
I know I'm being really negative with this 2011 post, but this is something that pretty much sums up my shitty year 2011, other than failing my Final Year Project.
So yea, the end of a very negative post. I hope 2012 would be a better year for me.
I'll probably write something a lil more cheerful and less negative tonight.
I know me talking about my pathetic life on my blog is getting a lil old, but it is still something that affects me a lot.
I hope everybody else have a better 2011 than I do ...
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