That someone used to be the most important person in my lil' world, but for the past months, I've been bashing this person, directly and sometimes indirectly through Facebook and my blog (mostly through my blogs though).
I don't hate this person, to be honest. I'm just hurt. I guess my reaction of being hurt by someone, is to hurt back the person in return. I don't know how much my words and the things I typed here affected the person, but even if it doesn't do anything to the person, I'd like to apologise as well.
I love that person more than anything in this world, and I still do. I've been acting like a kid for the past months, when I realised I should act like an adult about it, and shut up. It is hard sometimes to just kept things to yourself. I don't want to repeat the same old story to my close friends, and I guess this blog is the only place for me to vent my anger, frustration and sadness.
The saddest part is that I am bashing this person that used to be my best friend, my family, the person that I love and basically my everything. I know her inside out, and just like me, she looks strong on the outside, but some of the days, she felt insecure about herself and can be a lil' pessimistic at times. I was there for her all these years to assure her that she's the best, and the awesomest person she can be, and hopefully by now, she's confident enough to trust herself that she can do whatever she puts her mind into.
I guess the anger that I experienced came from not having a proper closure to that relationship we had. There was not much explanation given, just "I don't love you anymore". Months later, I am still struggling to the fact that our relationship had ended, and some nights, I'd still cry about it.
I'll be fine ... like always ... I may not find back the happy Maple that I used to be, but I will be fine. Ever since I started working, I have lesser time to sit down and cry or to think about anything ... my schedule would be, waking up in the dead of the night, getting ready for work, go to work, go to the gym straight from work, come back home ... browse the internet, update my blog and then it's time to sleep.
I've been really cheerful on the outside, but no one really knows what's going on, on the inside. I guess it's something I'll have to live with ...
and again ... if you're reading this, I'm sorry.
I wish you all the best in everything you do. I really should have hated you, but everytime I try, I ended up crying. So it's really no use of me trying to hate. I wish you all the happiness in the world and I hope that you'd always have enough or more of everything that you need in your life.
I hope you found someone that could take care of you.
I'm sad to say that I miss you a lot ... I don't think any words can describe my feelings right now ... all I can say is that I really miss you.
Sometimes I felt arguing when we're talking, is better than not talking at all, haha!
Just in case you felt sad after reading this post, here something to cheer you up (although I doubt that you'd be affected by this post, but ... just in case)
I'm not being sarcastic with this forever alone dance emoticon. I just find it cute and funny, haha!
Have an awesome day, 傻瓜!
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