Emotional mess

If you guys notice (I'm sure most would, unless ... your had stamps stuck on to your eyes) that I've changed my blog title ... again. No reason for that. I just feel like it. (Lonnlov means Maple leaf in Swahili.)

Today is one of those days that I feel like blaming my ex (It's that time of the month again, so I'm allowed to say or do whatever I want).

First off I'd like to blame my ex for being such an ass. For not keeping promises. I'm not talking about being together forever, but the time when she said that she'd come over to Perth and start our lives together. She ended up in Melbourne. I was left alone in Perth, with no friends and family. Our plans gone down the drain right there and then.

I realised I was willing to do more for her than she was willing to do for me. I'm glad that I was sane enough to make the decision to come home and continue my studies rather than being depress and alone there. I still remember the things she put me through. I treated her like a queen and I was treated by her like a disposable girlfriend I presume. She refused to hold hands with me even though we're technically in Australia and nobody cares. She was more willing to spend time sleeping or watching some Hong Kong drama series or anime, than to spend time going out with me (when she's around). Not to mention, Skype calls and MSN sessions are getting lesser, and eventually it stopped.

It came to a point where she would call me once a day. 9 out of 10 text messages are not replied (that I understand, cause it's expensive to text back and forth). I haven't even talked about the best part. When we broke up like 8 months ago, guess what my ex said to me? She said and I quote "You MADE ME call you once a day, and I don't even have anything to talk to you about". Wow, that was a surprise. No Skype, no MSN and now, even calling me is a chore, haha!

I NEVER asked her to call me once a day, I remember telling her to call me when she miss me. I never once demand her to call me once a day, cause I know her, if I force her to do something, she'd be pissed.

I guess all those stuff weren't that pathetic yet ... The most pathetic part is that, after all that she had put me through, I still love her unconditionally. If she died one day and turns into a ghost and visit me, I think she'd be the only ghost I'm not afraid of and don't might hugging, provided she's not holding a green torch light, haha! If she ever needed an organ transplant and I can save her with mine, I definitely would, even though I'm afraid of surgery.

That was just some random thoughts. I don't even know why I'd think that far. She's probably happily in another relationship now and I'm just someone that belongs in her past. Sometimes I wonder if she'd cry thinking of me, like I would when I think of her. I think the only thing she felt is "guilt", cause she fell out of love with me a long time ago.

What's the use of being the best? I'm not someone she loves anymore.

If I ever die (*touchwood*) ... out of the sudden ... everybody, please let her know that I love her ... very much.

I'm just an emotional mess today cause of my menses. Sorry guys. I just need more sleep and more work. *hugs*