Two Open Letters

"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded 
That for me it isn't over." - Adele (Someone Like You)

Somehow this song got stuck inside my brain for a few days now. I've been updating some really angry posts lately, I just can't help it. I still am angry, sad and disappointed. I know life is not just about relationships and love, I still have my friends and family.

It's just hard sometimes when you got back up and get knocked down again, but I'm not going to blame anyone for my own stupidity. Everyone knows that when I get angry, nothing nice comes out from my mouth, or at least nothing nice comes out from what I type for my blog post.

I hate the fact that I love and care bout' both of you so much that I can't be angry at any one of you, haha! How pathetic is that? Yes I know I've wrote some really hurtful stuff on my blog post and curse the crap out of you, but that's all I can do. I couldn't get myself to actually scream at you. I'd usually get over it after I typed everything out, and after a couple of hours later, I'd either remove the post or felt guilty/regret I ever wrote it.

I've let you in into my world, I don't just let anyone in, but you guys decided to leave.

Bue bue,

I'm sorry I had to kick the "new" you out from my life, cause the "new" you can be such a moron. She smokes and she raise her voice after 5 seconds into a conversation with me, every single time. Sometimes I don't even know what I did wrong.

Bue, I miss you. You always told me the distance is just gonna be for a while, and it doesn't matter cause we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together ... We didn't have the chance to spend the rest of our lives together. Our videos and pictures are still in my hard disks cause I couldn't get myself to delete all of our memories, but I've deleted all your numbers from my phone's contacts list, all your messages, and your pictures from baby iPhone, and Facebook. I've even deleted you off from my friends list on Facebook, MSN and Skype.

I'm now all alone in my own world. Ever since you walked out of it, I've been too scared to let anybody else in. I don't know if I could ever love someone as much as I love you.

Everywhere that I turn in my room, there's stuff that you bought me when we're together. You may not notice, but there's still traces of me in your life. There are stuff that you did not remove, but I'm not going to say what it is cause I don't want you to remove it.

There are times when I'd give anything to just have you back, but you're no longer there. You're no longer there to hug me and tell me to not cry and that you love me. Somehow I lost you along the way, and I can't find you anywhere. It's like you left without saying goodbye.

In a couple of days time, it's gonna be our 4th anniversaries. Although we didn't made it to our 4th Anniversary, I'm still gonna remember the date.

I know I'm cruel for kicking the new you out from my life, but I don't think the new you cares. For the past 7 months, she dated a couple of people. She's practically got nothing to lose.

I just miss you, wherever you are. It's sad that I can't turn back time. I'd still choose to be with you if I had the chance to do this all over again. When everybody thinks of me as this fat, unattractive girl, you see right through all that and made me feel loved.

Bue, if you ever bump into the new you, please tell her not to smoke so much. I don't even know why I care cause she's an ass, but please tell her that.

Take care bue bue :( ♥ you

Voldy,

I haven't really know you that long to know who you really are. I didn't plan to "like" you or to have feelings for you, but I believe you came into my life to teach me how to loosen up a little and live my life, and I thank you for that.

All those stuff that I should have done when I was 15 or 18 years old, I did it when I'm 23, haha! Yes, it is quite pathetic. I mean I'm pathetic.

Those things that you told me, I don't even know if it's true or just bullshit, but I hope you'd never again tell me things that you don't mean, cause I'm tired of playing the guessing games. You know I'd verbally abuse anyone who lie to me or make me angry, so please don't be the person that I verbally abuse, alright?

I need time to get the feelings out of my system (don't worry I didn't fall super deep, might just take a couple of weeks to erase it, haha!), cause you've been an ass for making me fall for you when you don't intend to catch me when I fall.

I'm gonna forgive you this time cause you're an awesome friend, haha! :)

I hope you'd be alright soon *big hugs* always remember that you're not alone :)

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