Positively Negative

I always wonder why am I a positive person when it comes to helping out a friend in need. As in, in need of advise or even listener. But I was never really a positive person to begin with when it comes to my own situation ... I think? -__-

When I was young, I wanted to be a piano teacher. Sadly, due to some situation in my family, I had to move to KL, without my parents by my side, and had to stop the piano lessons. So yes, my dream was shattered. I was never good in studying, that's why I'd rather work on playing piano than studying, although I wasn't super crazy about piano.

For a few years, after I moved to KL, my life was without direction, no plan, no goals. I had to make decisions every step of the way, I hate making decisions and I hated my life. Honestly, my younger sister is my rock. If it wasn't for her, I think I'd just know how to cry and cry -.- and could possibly be the "composer" of the song "Cry me a river".

*I'm just kidding bout' the last part*

But my younger sister made me feel like I should be stronger. If she can be strong and not be effected by all the negative things that happened in our lives, I should do the same too. To me, she's like a supergirl of some sort, haha! She's never afraid to do crazy stuff and make mistakes, and me, on the other hand was way too over-protected and afraid to make mistakes. I'd always put my heart into everything that I do, trying my best to please everyone around me, in hopes that they will like me. Nope, doesn't work, so I'm back to being a b*tch for now.

Although I never really get along with my younger sister, but still, she's the person I really looked up to. Yep, as an older sister I deserve a big fat F, haha!

My point is, I'm gonna give up planning for my future, coz nothing I plan or dream of ever came true. It feels like the moment I had it all planned up, a huge wave of "tsunami" hit and swept away all the things I planned for. I might as well just live for today. I'm not gonna think about tomorrow.

I can't wait for the day I walked out of these place full of wreckage. The day where I will be free from all these painful feelings. Although it's hard to be positive at times. I will try.